May 31, 2009

  • God, You Know What I Think About Being Pregnant?

    Dear Lord,

    Thank you for helping me these past 6 and a half weeks of pregnancy.  So far it's been such a blessing.  There are things that I am learning about my pregnant body and learning how to adjust through all the changes. 

    First of all, I have had the best sleep ever.  REM sleep is so good!  I haven't slept this great since elementary school.  My dreams are so vivid and outrageous.  This morning, for instance, I was dreaming that I won a brand new pink Ford Mustang from a raffle drawing.  Now I have an even better reason to be ready for bed by 9:30pm.  Sleep has never been this exciting!

    Second, I've gained a real obsession for pepperoni pizza and cold, sweet watermelon.  It's funny how I notice all the hole-in-the-wall pizza restaurants, pizza coupons and commercials that I never even noticed before.  I've always liked pizza, but NEVER this much.  The other food craving:  watermelon.  Watermelon is fortunately in season.  I've sent Erwil out to by a watermelon every time he goes to Costco.  I love the fact that they come seedless, and I don't have to spit out annoying black seeds anymore.  Thankfully, no morning sickness has struck me just yet...but I'm prepared to endure that long season as well. 

    Third, the baby bump is a little bit obvious now.  Am I really showing a bump already, or is this just how a bloated stomach looks like?   Either way, it's fine with me.  I accept that it's not really in Your will for me to enjoy a $210 pair of Joe's Jeans in my maternity size.  I guess that would not be a good example of Christian stewardship.  Also I feel like I'm 10 years old again, but in a good way I guess.  Is it me, or does Maidenform need to start making B+ cups.  In any given scenario, I know that this is all happening for a very good reason.

    I just want to praise You for being under control of everything.  I know that I've experienced being heartbroken from the last miscarriage, and I am reminded that You make everything new.  My hope is in You.  You are sovereign.  I don't need to worry anymore about being pregnant, or if this pregnancy will survive the first trimester.  I can hand everything over to You, knowing that Your Will is powerful and far greater than mine.  You promised that I can live my life abundantly.  I'm already praying that this little one will also know You and love you, if it may be according Your will that I raise this little one.  I'm really humbled by Your mercy, that You foreknew and chose me to become a mom to someone very special to You.

    If this is what pregnancy is about, then I embrace the good and the bad of it--I'm learning that my faith and obedience remains in You regardless of the outcome.

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