The Rainy Day

The day is cold, dark, and dreary;

It rains, and the wind is never weary;

The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,

But at every gust the dead leaves fall,

            And the day
is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, dark, and dreary;

It rains, and the wind is never weary;

My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,

But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,

            And the
days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;

Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;

Thy fate is the common fate of all,

Into each life some rain must fall,

            Some days must be dark
and dreary.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Dying on the living room couch. 

          Rain soaked tennis shoes. 

Door leading to the backyard. 

         Abdominal cramps lingering. 

Saturday, 7:30pm. 

Three-day old oceans of puddles.

         Persistent storm. 

Icy chill in the air outside. 

         My husband’s shiny black car. 

Heavy painful bleeding. 

         Rushing past stoplights.

La Palma Avenue.

         The hospital emergency room. 

Blue Cross Blue Shield.

         Clipboard.  Sign
here.  Sign there.

Husband strong but worried. 

         Finding a good vein on my wrist. 

Viles and viles of blood drawn. 

         Cold and naked under my hospital gown. 

Thick blood like red dyed eggwhites. 

Ultrasound, scope and scraping. 

         Discharged.

The duvet blanket.

         Empty stomach.

Fragments of incomplete sentences. 

          Heartbroken.

Tears heavy like the raindrops.

          Hard to write much.

6 weeks and 3 days pregnant. 

The word is miscarriage.

I had one just the other day.

Yesterday, my students and I watch President Obama deliver his speech.  I wasn't really surprised to hear him speak, I didn't mind it.  As far as delivering speeches, President Obama does quite well...but it's all a bunch rhetoric to me. I'm not going to read too far in-between the lines, but I do pray for our nation.  I do respect Obama's quick rise to the most powerful seat of power.  I know it takes so much to be up there.

I did applaud Rick Warren's Invocation.  He was courageous to pray a complete prayer in front of those who would oppose him.  He really showed the world that Christianity is a relationship with God, and with God's perfect sovereign power lives can transform.  He was just being himself up there, praying for our nation, the leadership, Obama, Michelle, and their 2 girls. 

However, one of the big parts that bugged me was how he addressed the entire world (national and global) this line:  "our schools fail students".  My principal also pointed that out to us during our staff meeting yesterday, and I quite frankly held the same belief.  But I held my tongue.  I thought I was the only one with that sentiment! 

I think that it's not always necessarily the schools that fail students.  I think a major part of that equation has to be students fail in schools.  I know countless parents who, for the most part, work with their kids and pay up the whazoo to get their children the private tutors, Sylvan, Kumon...it's not always the school, not always the teacher.  It's also the student who fail!  There are those who do not pay attention to lessons and distract others, who turn in a crappy cross-curricular project that looked like it came from the garbage no matter how many times you revise and translate the rubric and scaffolded the lesson, no matter how many RSP teachers are assigned to that 1 kid, and all the interventions that good schools and good teachers instruct, there are STILL THOSE WHO FAIL and DON'T CARE THAT THEY FAIL!!!!!  I hope people are intelligent enough see the other side of the issue too. 

I work myself exhausted and crazy to help students achieve, and so I take really offense to that!

Sorry President Obama, be fair and make all parties accountable...This ISN'T a one-sided job!

It's not just the schools...

It's not just the teachers....

It's not just the parents....

Sometimes students need to also take part and assume their fair share of the responsibility to avoid academic failure!

God Bless the new President, I'll be praying...

I joked with my students, "You all better thank your lucky stars that I didn't get elected as the U.S. President, and you better pray that I never will!" 

"Why, Mrs U?," They asked. 

I told them, "I am a hard-core, workaholic, ambitious Asian teacher. It would be the end of democracy as you know it if I became the President of our country.  If I were the President of the United States I'd probably let the legislature enact such near-Totalitarian laws such as those students who fail and don't even care to meet progress criteria will be sent automatically sent to war-torn foreign countries that have schools in the poorest conditions.  Those families who don't care that their children come to school year after year with failing grades can have free afterschool intervention classes the first time, but if that student has to repeat the grade level or repeat intervention then their tax refund or wages should be garnished.  We don't need to waste money on such nonsense!"...Just kidding guys!
   

I know that Christmas isn't about the gifts, but would you look at this kid's expression?

What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Getting married.

Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't keep a New Year's resolution.  My resolution for this year is to maintain good health and keep an eye on my husband's health.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Two of my girlfriends had baby girls in the summer.

Did anyone close to you die?
No

What countries did you visit?
No countries.  My passport expired.

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Spending more time with my family.

What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?
July 4th

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not going deeper into debt.

What was your biggest failure?
Flunking the National Boards.  I've never failed at anything.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Suffering major injury to my over-inflated ego, maybe.

What was the best thing you bought?
Plane tickets to visit Jenny and Edy in Oahu and trying to surf. 

Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Erwil, who was very supportive of me challenging the NBC's.  It was like the NBC aliens abducted me and put a microchip in my body.  I wasn't the same "Liz" while I was obsessing over those NBC standards and deadlines.

Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
I'd rather not say...pleading the 5th!  Like Fergie, "No, no drama..you don't want no drama!"

Where did most of your money go?
Gas and food

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Starting a new life with Erwil and making future plans together for the next stages.

What song/album will always remind you of 2008?
"Touch My Body" by Mariah Carey.  I used to love Mariah until she started singing these skanky songs!

Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder?
About the same kind of happy.

Thinner or fatter? Fat, definitely.  I can't fit into my favorite jeans anymore!

Richer or poorer? Just about the same, but with an obligatory mortgage now.

What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I had more time to just relax on the weekends and be myself.  I was doing way too much last year!

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Over-programming myself with unneccessary "responsibilities", "obligations" and "meetings".

How did you spend Christmas?
With both my family and my husband's family.

Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Jenny

Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes

How many one night stands in this last year?
Gross!  None!

What was your favorite TV program?
Jon and Kate Plus 8

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No, I'm not hating anyone.

What was the best book(s) you read?
Sadly, I didn't have time to even read this year.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Nothing!  Music today sucks!

What did you want and get?
There was nothing I was dying to get this year.

What did you want and not get?
Free time

What were your favorite films of this year?
Dark Knight...who didn't?

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Celebrated for 1 week with Jenny, Edy and Erwil in Oahu, and turned 31.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Getting that time to relax and not be so stressed out over things that don't even matter in heaven.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Lots of loose jersey knit fabrics, flat shoes and comfortable darkwash jeans.

What kept you sane?
My family

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I didn't care for any of them--they're all so fake to me!

What political issue stirred you the most?
Looking at Gov. Arnold and asking, "Is this the best we can do?"...then looking at all the presidential candidates and asking, "Is this really the best that we can do?".

Who did you miss?
No one comes to mind.

Who was the best new person you met?
I think there are a couple neat kids in my class this year with amusing personalities.  I'm glad they're in my class.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
You need to take a break.  Now quit trying to be Super Woman!

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I hear my father-in-law singing (with a BERY BERY thick Filipino accent) "DEN sings my soul, my Savior God to DEE...".  It's from the hymn "How Great Thou Art".  My father in law sings that song with major vibrato.  He wants to sing it at every big family gathering!  Inside joke between me and my husband.

My husband, who's snoring away in the master bedroom set my digital alarm for 7:30am.  If I don't wake up to it, then my cell phone will rouse me out of sleep.  My Nokia sits on the sink, at the farthest end of the bedroom to force me out of bed.  That will wake me up for sure.  All these alarms are deliberately set to insure that we will arrive on time to Calvary Presbyterian's morning worship service.  But I must blame the 20 ounces of fresh brewed coffee and that Coffeemate French vanilla sweetened creamer from AM/PM Mini Mart.  It's that coffee con creamer that's driving me to update my blog and encapsulate 2008.

I've been given 365 days in the year of 2008, and here I am at 2:30am trying to recall all the things that I've been given this past year.  It would be a lot to read if I wrote every single thing down, so I just picked out the "highlights" of receiving.

What the heck did Liz "get" from 2008?  I'll start with the superficial stuff that I appreciate, at the very least...

1.  At least I got a new last name and title.  My husband gave it to me, along with two circular platinum bands with those shiny stoney things.  My biological-clock-conscious aunties were getting worried for me and the "eggs".  They were conjuring up any method of match-making me with a family friend of a friend, of a friend, of a cousin who might know a single guy doctor or nurse from the Philippines, age 39, who eats with a set of good false teeth, dresses like a Banana Republic model, and sings like Neil Diamond on the Magic Mic.

2.  At least I got a new car, but it's really not that new.  My brother gave it to me.  For sentimental purposes, I didn't unscrew his alma matter UCLA license plate frame off the truck because it reminds me of Elmer and my sister-in-law Karen.  It reminds me to pray for both of them.

3.  At least I totally got rejected from applying for the 3rd grade GATE teaching position.  Good try though.  I'm still stuck at 5th grade, but it's not a bad thing at all.  I really enjoy my 5th graders this year, it makes me look forward to work.  Whoa, did I actually say that I "looked forward" to working with pre-pubescent teens?  At least I can still use every bit of age-appropriate, clean and loving sarcasm to break up the monotony of Open Court basal reading text.

4.  At least I ditched the gargantuan Filipino family wedding that I blue-printed and published in my teenage diary, back in good old 1993.  Instead, my husband and I lived through a tiny wedding ceremony with complete happiness and satisfaction.

5.  At least I gained on some weight and a few pimples still, but I've got a clean bill of health, good teeth and no gray hair.  On the day of the Christmas church program that my husband and I narrated for, my skin broke out with 3 pimples.  Born were those perfect pimple triplets, that if you connected together would make an equilateral triangle--one for the Father, one for the Son, one for the Holy Spirit...oh the Lord has a way of humbling me out of vanity.

6.  At least I moved 30-50 minutes away from work, depending on how everyone else drives.  It's a huge change from my cozy 5-minute commute.  It hurts to wake up at 5am in the stinkin' cold, dewy mornings and then drive home to tiresome strings of traffic.  I invested in a pair of driving gloves and a long-reaching squeegee to squeegee-off what windshield wipers won't.  I even made 7-Eleven convenient store $288 conveniently richer for my daily subscription to their regular hot coffee.  Then again, I gained an appreciation for my conversations with the Lord and look forward to His Word.  Whenever I have "too much" free time, it seems like I lack the discipline to make time for God and my loved ones.  I take heed to that incessant alarm that tells me, "Don't waste time, for time is precious".

7.  At least I was "legally adopted" by another Filipino family--my father, mother, sisters and brother in-law.  My husband has many siblings, nephews and nieces.  They at least they feed me two plates full with some food to take back home in Tupperware.  Home cooked food is useful for those lazy Sundays when I, the newbie wife, have to catch up on chores and errands.  I am accepted and embraced by my husband's side of the family.  It makes it so nice that he's the "baby" of the family, I get to experience what it's like for a change.  It didn't take too long for them to figure out that I love orange soda too much.  So I'm quickly rewarded with a cold can of Sunkist or Orange Fanta whenever I visit their home for lunch or dinner!  Man, I'm so spoiled!

I can only think of 6 major things that stand out in my mind.  I know there's more to write, but my energy tank is just about near empty and ready to crash from that caffeine high.

More importantly, I ask myself (in third-person voice), "Liz, have you done a lot more giving this past year?".  That can only be answered in my next blog, when I get a chance to log in to Xanga. 

This video was so funny.  I made sure my husband watched this with me before Christmas:  http://bewareofthedoghouse.com/videoPage.aspx

Random updates:
1.  The weather has been schizophrenic, but in a good way.  Fog, rain, Santa Ana winds, heat, wind. Everything happens in the fall season.  I leave the house really early in the morning.  To ensure that I am prepared for the weather, I dress in layers and I carry an umbrella. 
2.  Erwil and I stayed with family over the Halloween weekend.  As much as I love hanging around with family, I also cherish our "away-ness".  I was so glad to be back to our home after all the family festivities.
3.  My voter registration is in Orange County now.  My driver's license, all my bills, and even junk mail is no longer sent under my maiden name. 
4.  I enjoy the daylight savings, but I just don't like coming home when it's dark.
5.  I found it a pleasure to read back to last year's Bible Study notes I jotted down on chapters in Philippians. 
6.  There was a lot of left-over candy that we didn't get to pass out to any trick-or-treaters.
7.  Life has been tough.  Knowing God gives me a feeling of hope and contentment that He is in control.  I'm trying to walk with God in obedience, just like Noah. 

1.  I would expect that by now I have totally nailed down my work schedule, since I've already been teaching for a month.  That's been a new challenge for me, since the dynamics of my class is so different.  I enjoy the class I have this year.  I don't mind getting up really early in the morning to be at work and then lingering in my classroom after-school to prepare for the next day.  It's been a pleasure!

2.  I also took on teaching the high school group's Sunday School class to give Kuya La Ron a little bit of a break.  He deserves one!  We're going through the book of Genesis, which is really cool and eye-opening for me as a learner.  It's one thing to lead a whole group Bible Study, but I don't think it's enough or safe to say that they're doing fine.  The high school students are very energetic and I love hearing their thoughts and reflections.  At the end of my teaching, I never get a single comment or question.  It's just a dead awkward silence.  Do they not like to ask questions?  I'd like to have more one-on-one time with them and try to help them where they are at. 

3.  Erwil and I visited the Nixon Library in Yorba Linda on Saturday.  I learned from the exhibits and I loved the courtyard.  It's magnificent!  The attendants were preparing for a wedding ceremony, and I could only imagine how beautiful that garden would look for the unknown couple who'll celebrate their marriage there.

4.  After church I stopped by my in-laws to visit them.  I've been MIA from family for the past 2 weeks and Erwil's mom has left messages on our answering machine to see when we'd drop by.  If I didn't have to grade papers, plan lessons for both classroom and Sunday School, scrub the bathtub, shop for furnitur, go to the grocery store, work-out, pay bills, do laundry, then I'd be all for spending a lazy afternoon with all of our family.  It's just a hard thing to do every single Sunday after church.  I say that I'd have to limit it to every other week.  It's pretty hard to please everyone and meet everyone's expectations right now--so this is where I need my heart to be guarded. 

5.  I roasted sunflower and pumpkin seeds earlier this evening. 

6.  I need to spend some quality time with God in prayer and reflection. 

7.  I'm hoping that I'll be a better steward of my time.

I got suckered into answering these questions out of boredom and not being able to fall asleep.

1. Song that always makes you sad?
End of the Road and Water Runs Dry, Boys II Men

2. Last thing you bought?
Bounce dryer sheets from Walmart and meat that went on sale at Albertson's.  Man, I sound like an old lady admitting to that!

3. Last person you argued with?
No one

4. Do you put Butter before putting the peanut butter on?
I put jelly before putting the butter on.

5. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid?
I had no sense of originality.  My raccoon was Raccoon.  My bear was Bear.

6. Did you ever own at one time a Barenaked Ladies Cd?
No

7. Favorite day of the week?
Friday

8. Favorite Sundae topping?
Chocolate Syrup

9. Did you take Piano lessons?
No

10. Most frequent song played?
Stickwitu by PCD...can't believe that's the most played off my iTunes!

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?
The stupid Japanese gameshow that makes athletic folks fall and hurt themselves badly.

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey?
Basketball

13. Date someone older or younger?
Older

14. One place you could travel right now?
My husband and I both wish to visit Japan.

15. Do you use umbrellas?
Yes

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem?
No, I don't know it at all.

17. Favorite Cheese?
Pepper Jack

18. The Smith's or the Cure?
Tough call!  The Cure, probably.

19. Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes?
Both are cool

20. Best job you ever had?
The one I have right now!

21. Did you go to your high school prom?
Yes

22. Perfect time to wake up?
5am

23. Perfect time to go to bed?
10pm

24. Do you use your queen right away in chess? ..
No

25. Ever been in a car accident?
No

26. Closer to mom or dad...or neither?
Mom

27. What age is this exciting life over for you?
It's exciting at any age.

28. Dhat decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?
I think I grew up during a good decade--Bill Clinton was president then.  Those were good times for us.

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?
Cole Haan sandals

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
I still have my high school leather letterman jacket.  So does my husband!

31. Were you in track and field?
No

32. Were you ever in a school talent show?
No

33. Have you ever written in a library book?
No

34. Allergic to?
Nothing

35. Favorite fruit?
Mango

36. Have you watched sex and the city?
Yeah

37. Baseball hat or toque?
Neither

38. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap?
Yes, shampoo is first.

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?
Wet the toothbrush.

40. Pen or pencil?
Pen...I like Sharpie markers.

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino?
Blackjack is my thing.

42. Have you thrown up on a plane?
No

43. Have you thrown up in a car?
Almost

44. Have you thrown up at work?
Almost

45. Do you scream on roller coasters?
Heck yah!

46. Who was your first prom date?
Dave

47. Who was your first roommate?
Amber

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time?
Mudslide

49. What was your first job?
Worked at Cinnabon

50. What was your first car?
Toyota Corrolla 1983

51. When did you go to your first funeral?
Grandpa's

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
Hahaha, 17!

53. Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Masukawa

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?
California...from JFK to LAX.

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
I snuck out a lot!  I forgot w/ who.

56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them?
Janssen, yes we're still tight!

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house?
College dorms

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
I vent to my husband.

59. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?
Probably Ate Grace Gusto's wedding.

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
Take a shower

61. What was the first concert you attended?
Pops Fernandez, a Filipina singer

62. First tattoo or piercing?
Just the ears

63. First celebrity crush?
Probably it was Ricky Schroeder from Silver Spoons...he was a cutie!!!

Where did September go?  The month is already over and I didn't have a chance to blog about the stuff that I got to enjoy that month.  It's been a challenge trying to find the time to blog these past few weeks.  Here's what went on last month.

1.  The beginning of SY (School Year) 2008-2009.  Since I live farther away from work, I basically get up by 4:45am and I'm on the road by 6am.  The janitor opens the school gates by 6:30am.  I actually like getting to work earlier and I like leaving earlier.  However, it's been a real challenge trying to leave by 3:30pm.  I find myself feeling like I could stay in my classroom forever--there's so much to do!    I also enjoy my new group of students this year.  Either I'm learning to become more patient and not let myself get too worked up with students, or these students are just quicker about learning and have better work habits than the class I had the previous year.

2.  My husband started going to a chiropractor back in November 2006.  I started going in April 2008 and continued my visits 3x per week.  It's a huge commitment to come that many times, but it's definitely made a difference in something that I was having difficulty with since high school.  Since high school I was experiencing a really sharp pain on the side of my rib and it affected my breathing.  I didn't know what it was and no doctor could say what it was exactly, but I no longer experience those sharp pains anymore since going to a chiropractor.  I'm not making any medical claims, but I do thank God that I don't experience those awful pains anymore. 

Also, I have really done away with using pain relievers and decongestants.  In fact, I haven't used any and ended up throwing away a shoebox full of expired meds.  I try not to take meds unless it's really vital.  I'm just really appreciative of the way that God created our bodies.  Here's a picture of me and Erwil at the chiropractor's clinic.

3.  My in-laws invited Erwil and me, along with my parents for a fall dinner dance reception at their church.  It was a fundraiser organized by the Filipino members of the church congregation. I didn't know that my father-in-law was such a great dancer!  Our parents had a fun time and were able to fellowship together.  Our Sundays are usually spent having lunch with our family.  Erwil's parents expects us to come by their place every Sunday for lunch.

4.  I'm a ninang again!  Rebekah, who turned 1 also had her dedication ceremony.  I was there to support the little girl along with her other godparents.

5.  Stacey and Lester got married.  I've known these two since they were kids--Stacey, since she was a baby!  It was fun to be at their wedding and they sure had a nice one!  I just realized that I love going to weddings.  All I know was that I indulged in the brown sack of candy given to the tables, Laffy Taffy and Pixi Sticks being my favorites.  They sure know how to put goodies to put in a goody bag!

6.  Beach baptisms were held for the friends who partake in the College & Career Bible Study that Erwil and I attend every Wednesday evening.  We went to Newport Coast area.  Not only was it such a cold day, the water was freeeeeezing!  Nevertheless, it was a great celebration for all of us to witness them confess their faith and their walk with Jesus Christ!

7.  It's now October!  Here's my Sunday afternoon goal:  I am going to finish grading the math tests that my students have taken and then I will treat myself to a yummy bowl of Tutti Fruitti yogurt.  It's the nearest frozen yogurt joint near my house.  It's not only a good incentive for me to work through the pile of ungraded papers, but it's a way for me to get myself outside the house.  Since I've gotten married, I've been staying home a lot these days.  If it weren't for the nearby yogurt place, I'd be such a homebody.