How did I meet my fiance? Well, let's talk about how I first met him...
I first Met Erwil
I first met my fiance, Erwil in Stephen M. White Junior High School in the 7th grade. That was back in 1989! Our classmates nicknamed Erwil "the Egghead". He got this nickname because while we were all tracked into taking the GATE classes, one of them being honors Pre-Algebra class in the 7th grade, Erwil was the only 7th grade student who actually placed into Algebra 1 with a classroom full of 9th graders. His 3rd period Algebra 1 class was right next door to my 3rd period Pre-Algebra class. He and I were in the same 4th period 7th grade Lands and People class. Every day the same GATE and honor students, like a flock of sheep, walked together from 3rd period to 4th period class. To be honest I never talked to Erwil, and I never had a chance or reason to chat.
We never sat together in any of our junior high classes because my last name began with letter G, his last name began with the letter U. The seating was always arranged by alphabetical order. All I remember was that it was all just playful banter to call him Egghead. He never really got mad about it or showed that he was annoyed about it.
I do remember that we were news reporters for Knight Life, the junior high school newspaper in 8th and 9th grade. Mrs. Nancy Rourke, our journalism advisor actively sought out journalism several write-off competitions that Erwil and I participated and won in. One weekend, Mrs. Rourke even had us compete in a state competition at Vista High School in Oceanside. In Mrs. Rourke's green Ford Aerostar mini-van, there I was with Erwil and the group of other nerdy writers. We both took home writing awards that day's competition. Again, we never spoke to each other during the ride from Carson to Oceanside. Erwil and I pretty much took home awards in every journalism write-off competition, but neither of us were trying to compete with each other for bragging rights.
Erwil and I were in the same 9th grade Advanced Science class, and our favorite teacher Mr. Alfred Guenther taught the class. It was in our year with Mr. Guenther when he was nominated for and won the nationally prestigious DisneyHand Teacher Award. Although we attending a ghetto junior high school, our batch of students that year were really bright--Mr. Guenther taught 3 honors/GATE classes. Now if you ever work with GATE students, they are really independent and highly self-sufficient learners, most of which are Alpha-Dog and a little bit snobby. Erwil, the rest of the nerdy students and I were probably too competitive, too independent and had no patience to work with each other in groups. But it was Mr. Guenther's style of teaching that made us all really teamwork together on science experiments and come up with crazy and creative science projects. I remember Erwil being one of Mr. Guenther's star students because Erwil always aced those exams and set the new record for a couple science projects in physics and math. Now the Egghead name became widespread among the student body at Stephen White, because not only was he "teacher's pet", he rode his bike every morning from junior high to Carson High just to take Honors Algebra 2 with the sophomores in Carson High!
My impression of Erwil was that he was a really nice kid who was kind of shy. He was really humble about all his achievements. Quiet and unassuming. He wore a mullet, even before it was called the mullet. I was shy too, so that's why we never really talked. I guess we did manage to talk once a year, and that was only at the end of each school year to sign yearbooks. We signed each other's 7th, 8th and 9th grade yearbooks with the usual dedication, "Have a nice summer!" a la Winnie Cooper in a Wonder Years episode. Erwil just was not my type. I did not have a crush on Erwil at all during junior high. He was too nerdy for my taste. It was alright because Erwil had a crush on other girls anyway. It didn't matter.
I First Got to Know Erwil
I first became Erwil's friend in Carson High in 1992. Again, we were tracked in these same honors classes, and so our reputations never changed. Erwil was in all my classes except math, of course. Since he played first-chair trumpet in junior high school, he also played trumpet for the high school band. A couple elective classes stuck out in my mind that Erwil and I both took--Academic Decathlon and Journalism. Ms. Jean Kato was our journalism advisor, and she made us both editors of Trailblazer, the high school newspaper. A repeat of junior high school experiences of publishing the monthly paper, attending journalism competitions and winning awards. The only difference was that Erwil had a CA driver's license and I didn't. So he was really nice to pick me up and drop me off at home. My parents got to know Erwil pretty well as he would come by to give me a ride to different journalism-related places. Sometimes I would come home after 12am from a journalism production night. My parents trusted Erwil enough to drive me home that late, as they should trust him. Erwil was never disrespectful to anyone.
By the time we were in our senior year of high school, we pretty much participated in all the high school clubs together and extracurricular activities to beef-up our college entrance applications. In fact, we both officers of the California Scholarship Federation--he was President, I was his Vice-President. In every yearbook, we stood together in those group photos. But we didn't become very good friends until we were selected as team mates to compete in the Academic Decathlon. We studied late nights together with other friends on the team. The study sessions were mostly held in the living room at my house, where my dad could visibly supervise it. In between those long, intense study sessions, we would jump on the Super Nintendo to play Street Fighter II and played many rounds of Pusoy Dos, a Filipino poker game.
It was in 12th grade that Erwil confided in me that he had a stubborn crush on my best friend, Sarinna. I was dating my old high school sweetheart, David who I was already dating since the 10th grade. I really thought I was going to marry Dave, who graduated from high school a year ahead of me. So did everyone else, and they wrote it down in my yearbook that I would marry David and they are to be invited to my wedding after we both finish college. Erwil knew I loved David, and I knew Erwil really liked Sarinna. I confided in Erwil about relationships and the drama that came with it. But neither Erwil and I were attracted to each other. We were just two good friends. I knew that Erwil wanted to ask Sarinna out to Senior Prom and for Disneyland Grad Night, but Sarinna already made a strong declaration to every boy at the beginning of the senior year that she was NOT going to Prom and NOT going to Grad Night. Period. Poor Erwil! I tried to convince her, but she was disgusted by all the superficial pageantry.
Overall the year 1995 was such a memorable year for Erwil and I. That's when I found out that Erwil grew up as a Methodist, and I've practically been raised in a Presbyterian church. It was at the June of 12th grade year that Erwil and I just started getting to learn what life as a Christian was really about. Erwil accepted Jesus Christ in that year, and he occasionally came to my house on Friday nights for Youth Bible Study. It was also the time when my boyfriend of 3 years, Dave gave me a beautiful ruby and diamond eternity ring the year I graduated from Carson High
school, Class of 1995 and it doubled was the gift given for my 18th birthday. It was Dave's promise ring. Erwil and all my other closest friends knew that I was given a promise ring for my birthday, without my parents knowing. This was also the year that Erwil was honored as our high school valedictorian and received so many outstanding accolades. I was so proud of him! Our high school Academic Decathlon team ranked 25th in all of LAUSD high school, which was quite a good leap from all the previous years and still remains unbeaten. I was going to attend Pepperdine University for teaching. Erwil turned down all the most competitive big name universities that accepted him, so that he could attend Long Beach State and study business.
I First Became Erwil's Friend
Throughout college Erwil and I were both busy with our studies. We tried to keep our circle of high school friends together, but that soon broke apart. Everyone left for different interests and busy schedules. I had such a troublesome and fun roller coaster love relationship with David, who I felt very convinced was the one I'd marry. We often talked about marriage and even prayed together about it. Even our parents and closest friends were already preparing for the time that David and I would get engaged and marry. Dave would be my husband, only a matter of time and saving up money for a big wedding. But my relationship only lasted shortly after I graduated from college and I had to break up with him, promise ring and all. I realized that he wasn't the man for me and I wasn't quite happy being in a relationship with him. So I really focused on my teaching career and helping the church's dying youth group continue to remain stable.
Every now and then emails and AIM messages would ebb and flow between Erwil and I about college life, dating, school, family and God. He was really involved in his college fraternity and continued to work part time and study full time. Erwil and I still confided in each other about stuff. We also joked around. Erwil has a very witty, almost Chapelle Show but rated PG sense of humor. I get his humor almost all of the time. Erwil and I graduated from college in 1999, and we both did what we said we were going to do. I got my teaching degree. He got his accounting degree. Erwil graduated and ranked top 4 accounting student among his graduating class. Not bad! He was decorated with achievements and immediately hired to work at Arthur Andersen, and also fortunately left the firm before the historical Enron scandal. Neither of us invited each other to our graduation ceremonies, although we were proud of each other's achievements.
After college, I really focused on establishing myself and sought a close relationship with God after my relationship with David dissolved away. I guess when you're young and in-love, you loose your own sense of self in that whirlwind of feelings. I found out that I didn't really know myself very well, nor did I really expand on interests and hobbies. My whole identity was wrapped around taking care of Dave, which I didn't mind, but it wasn't really what God intended for me to spend time on. It was during that time that I was searching for my own lost soul. I fought with God, cried with God, sang to God, and wrote to God. I distanced myself from many people, even my family and closest friends. I just needed my time and space alone.
It was also during this time that Erwil was trying to make his self-made mark as a grown man. Erwil is not only smart, but really ambitious. He was climbing the top of his career ladder that started with Arthur Andersen and then later another accounting firm that was rapidly growing successfully. He saved and invested his earnings to purchase his own home in Buena Park so that he wouldn't live under his mom's roof anymore. He didn't want to ask anyone for help in establishing himself, not even his family members knew he was going to buy a house all on his own. That was a big thing for Erwil, since he always shared a room with his older brother. Erwil also wanted to make himself a partner of an accounting firm. At one point he was working every single Saturday and Sunday for 12 hours, from April through October, without ceasing. He skipped out on birthdays, holidays, weddings and church. It was not healthy for him.
Erwil did not know how to maintain the balance between work and life. Neither did I. And in many ways we could relate to each other's daily stress because we were still trying so hard to be a couple of bookish straight A student in an imperfect world. In that sense, Erwil and I had so much to talk about. We were able to see eye-to-eye about where and how we wanted our careers to take shape. We connected through the internet emails and AIM and disconnected whenever life was too busy. But I remember how I unpeacefully and lonlely I lived, but I masked it so well dwelling in my classroom from 7am to 7pm almost every night. I also masked it behind church activities. Everytime Erwil would ask, "How are you?" I would answer "I'm good!". I lied, obviously.
On one Sunday morning, Erwil experienced a heart serious attack at the age of 26. The problem was, he didn't even know he was having a heart failure, because it just felt like a severe back pain that wouldn't go away. He was pale and lips were gray, his body was covered in cold sweat and he luckily made it to the emergency room after hours later of trying to find home remedies. He drove himself to the ER. The nurses at the desk misunderstood his symptoms, and made him just wait a long time in the ER room because he complained of a sever back pain and shortness of breath. When the chest pain started to hurt indescribably, he couldn't wait patiently anymore. Insistently the attendants rushed Erwil into the ER room. The doctors basically cut his all clothes to shreds and and prepped him for a heart bypass surgery on the table. The doctors and nurses operated on him immediately. He woke up hours later really thinking about what life really means after being told that he survived a heart attack.
When I heard of Erwil's heart attack and bypass surgery through my high school friend, I was going through my own depression and dark night of the soul. I remember praying for him, but I didn't visit him at the hospital. I didn't even call him or visit him when he was discharged from the hospital. I threw myself my own pity party for weeks to come and didn't even consider doing something nice for a friend. I was the center of my world and misfortune, I didn't like myself for being depressed but I had a difficult time climbing out of it. Meanwhile, Erwil just realized through his near-death experience that the world is really indifferent and cruel most of the time. But there is a God who's always loving, merciful and gracious. Erwil opened up to me a month later about his heart attack I was affected by it. I always had a respect for Erwil and I felt awful that he went through that. He was definitely enlightened by the experience and it completely changed him and I knew he was telling me his experience as a means to help me find my own way back. The thought of dating did not even cross either of our minds. It just wasn't like that with us. We just needed more time to be on our own.
I First Became Erwil's Best Friend
Last I heard from Erwil, he survived his heart attack and had amazing recovery. He pretty much had everything in his life which he was thankful to God for, all except one thing. He was really into this girl, who he brought as a date to Jenny's wedding. That girl was cute, I told him. Last he heard from me was when I switched teaching high school to elementary school and I lived in an apartment in Torrance. I was dating Rommel, a guy from New York. After 4 years, that relationship didn't last either and I was just busy enjoying teaching. In fact Erwil even met Rommel a couple times. That's the last thing we updated each other with.
But last November 2007 I was online and Erwil's screen name popped up to check email. He dropped me a message on AIM. I was trying to draft an entry for the National Boards, but I didn't feel like writing. I even logged onto Xanga, but I had nothing to write about. Erwil and I briefly dropped a couple lines on AIM, but since I didn't feel like typing out everything I asked Erwil if he cared to meet up at Starbucks in Cerritos Town Center. I told him that I'd meet him there at 8pm, but I ran late. We met each other for the first time face-to-face in a long time around 8:30'ish, but I was considerate enough to call him just to let him know I was running late. Erwil treated me to my usual Earl Gray with cream and honey. He had his hot Green Tea with honey. We both remember how cold that night was, yet we still sat outside the deck beside the heater. Erwil and I talked like old friends and it was so easy and comfortable. We talked about everything, but this time around something was really different about our meeting. I shared that I was challenging the National Boards, I'm really busy with that endeavor. I had to explain what it was because although very understanding, he didn't know about the life of a teacher. I also told him that I was in the process of applying to Princeton Theological Seminary, God-willing I'd go if I'm being called to really pursue a dual degree in the ministry.
With that, he and I talked about life and there was nothing to BS about anymore because we both came from the same background. We were tired of the "my greatest achievements" talks that every high school friend normally spoke about, and instead focused on life's sweetest lessons that humbled us over the years that we had not kept in touch. I knew I was a totally different woman because of God doing a work in me, but still the same Liz. I outgrew that phase of feeling awkward about being single and unmarried, and just
thanked God for being able to do many things with my freedom with time and relationships. He also had been changed by tough times, but still kept in the same fashion of Erwil. I set it straight by telling him that I was truly sorry for neglecting him when he was trying to recover from his heart attack. I had no excuse for not even doing something as simple as visiting or calling him on the phone. He's always been a good friend to me, it was the least that I could do. Erwil said it was ok, he understood me. I told Erwil that I won't take good friends like him for granted like that. I had much remorse knowing that I was terrible!
We both agreed that we have everything we need, and we're thankful for all of our blessings, but we're waiting on God to give us the missing piece we've been wanting. Erwil and I agreed that we haven't yet experienced a truly committed relationship, marriage and a family of our own. We both want that for each other, and we just didn't know that God planned out that we're each other's missing piece. Erwil was playing the game of "Who Is It God? C'mon God, Give Erwil a Clue!". At that time we didn't really know that we were meant to be together, it was all a matter of God trying to teach us how to not only be good team mates in life, but also have a strong friendship. It was also God trying to teach us to be forgiving of our flaws and rely on His strength, so that we learn to humbly forgive the flaws of others and open our eyes to Him when things don't go our way. God really takes all the credit for doing all the work in placing the desire for me and Erwil to care for each other. If were solely left up to both of us, I'd never find my right match and neither would Erwil. We both make poor choices in love relationships and we'd stay depressed, bitter, grieve and stay angry over things for ages. But with God's leading, He moves us to where we need to be. Yes, we're open to the possiblities of terrible heartache, trouble, sickness, trials and also open to the possibilities that God is who He says He is and will still accomplish His mighty work despite all disaster both personal and outwardly inflicted. Oh, how Erwil and I discovered how faithful and loving God is throughout everything. I could tell that Erwil was opening up to God as earnestly as I was, and that's why we couldn't stop talking that cold evening.
I really loved our conversation that cold night in November, to the point that we could see our breath make a plume of smoke each time we laughed out loud. Yes, we laughed so much that night. I remember how we hugged each other goodbye, I whispered in my heart "God thank you for friends who understand the real me". I received an embrace that was warm and genuine. Erwil walked me all the way to my car and even opened and closed my car door for me. I remember driving home from Cerritos that night and thinking how great of a guy Erwil was, and now an even greater guy to me. We were drawn together to be best friends.
Erwil drove home that first night of coffee thinking, "God, is it Liz? Really?"
I woke up the next morning thinking, "Thank you for Erwil! Bless him today. And Lord, what is it that I should do for Erwil?"
And still each morning, I rise and greet the Lord to help me start my day. I still also tell the Lord in more words than one, "Thank you for Erwil! Bless my best friend. And Lord, what is it that I should do for Erwil? Show me."
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